Reader matter:
I have been pals with this particular girl for some time. She left the woman boyfriend. We have been texting alot â like 200 emails per week. We hold acquiring mixed signals from the lady, and that I enjoy her. Do I need to do it? But I do not desire to destroy the relationship both. We in addition go out, and that I think she searches for me into the halls.
-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)
Professional’s Solution:
Hi, Ivan. Thank you for trusting all of us because of this essential private issue.
There are a great number of possibilities to spell out what’s going on here, but allow me to offer you my personal “take.” First of all, you state she’s sending mixed signals, which probably implies the woman is puzzled and never sure of just what actually she wishes.
She could continue to have ideas or dreams for your relationship she just left, or she might be available to create a step. She can still take the recovery process, and she is almost certainly not willing to be viewed openly with another man however.
Texting could be the woman method of communicating and connecting now while she finishes emotionally disconnecting from the woman ex. She are often puzzled if her relationship obtainable sometimes looks loves it is growing into one thing larger, but she is undecided in the event that you “like” like this lady.
As for you, Ivan, you are in a really precarious place today. She actually is regarding rebound and requires mental service. She trusts you and feels better whenever she shares some texts or hangs completely with you. She searches for you into the places because she wants you, within one method or another, that is certainly for which you need to be cautious. If you put the friendship initially above your own desire for matchmaking her as a girlfriend, you’re in really serious chance of becoming relegated for the “friend area,” and that’s a challenging place to escape from.
My personal advice for you is to find together with the lady and talk personally. It ought to be early in the day and reduced than a real time, nevertheless will give you an idea if she desires see you or perhaps not. Inform the girl she needs to move out and take one hour to laugh appreciate by herself and you would really love the chance to communicate with their in more range, also. Pick an area in which everyone never go â perhaps a Starbucks anywhere â so she will feel as though the woman privacy will be secured.
Ask this lady exactly how she actually is undertaking and in case she is undoubtedly finished together with her ex. Spend very attention to the woman body language. Is actually she tilting closer or away? Is she big-eyed and smiling, or separated and considerate? Is actually she behaving “girly” or like somebody?
There is yet another thing you must do: inform her in a very matter-of-fact manner in which you want the girl. After that never state another phrase. This lady has to be the next a person to talk. Check their straight in vision so she can see your strength and your sincerity. Boldly and with confidence understand the woman neck or arms. Just be sure she understands you are considering her in a romantic man-woman kind of way.
End up being strong and sort but never emotional or desperate. Generate their want to come to you for any caring and comfortable man you will be and never for any nice boy who is “secure” and ordinary. Her real thoughts and motives should reveal themselves given that talk unfolds.
Go for it,
Nick